Sorry for the long absence, I decided to go visit my brother and his family for a few days. I was not good while there..........

This week's weigh in is not going to be a good one. I've been eating way too much junk and not tracking. I seem to do this everytime I lose 10lbs, fall off the wagon and gorge. I'm trying to keep it to a minimum, but we'll see what the scale says.

Down 1.8 lbs this week, this loss earned me a 10lb star to stick to my booklet. I know I could have lost more but I got lazy and didn't track my food at all. When I don't track I tend to under eat and get paranoid about every little thing I'm putting in my mouth.

Goals this week:

• track EVERYTHING (gonna be hard because my Bday is this week)
• start exercising
• stop weighing myself twice a day

Here is what 259lbs looks like on me. I hate this, it looks like I have a pair of tits growing out of my back. I seldom allow photos, so there are no good ones of me out there, only the taken on the sly. The photo on my profile was taken June 2007, I was only 15lbs smaller but had some really good undergarments. It's amazing what a $300 corset can do for your shape. I will retake these photos in this outfit every 20lbs from now. Sorry for such a short post, I just have an overwhelming feeling to jump on my elliptical and to go pump some iron.
Later.

Stumble

Friday's weigh in was awesome, down another 3.4lbs for a total of 9.6lbs, so close to ten. The meeting was good, I really like this new leader, she's fun and has a ton of energy.

I usually make Friday my high point day, after weigh in and meeting I meet a friend for lunch. We always go to the same Vietnamese place and have beef satay soup. I do my weekly grocery shop after this, come home and make homemade pizza (extremely thin crust, lots of veggies and sauce, little bit of cheese). Dessert is 2 chocolate wafers with 2Tbsp of frozen light cool whip sandwiched in between. None of these are very high in points, but I feel as if I've indulged all day especially the soup, I love it. Super spicy and so decadent. I don't eat before weighing in, so I estimate the whole day is around 30 - 35 points.


This week was different, Friday I ate way too much pizza and went to bed uncomfortably full. Part of this was from being extremely constipated (sorry), and part because it was so damn good. I usually throw any leftovers out but my husband said he would have them for lunch the next day. Saturday I got up and was still feeling like crap, I opened the fridge and all sanity and reason fled. I ate over the course of the day:

• four pieces of leftover pizza
• 1.5 cups of leftover bouillabaisse
• 1 mini apple pie that my friend had made for my husband
• 2 full fat granola bars
• and apple
• some brazil nuts
• a handful of dill pickle chips with cottage cheese
• oil popped and butter drenched popcorn
• a cool whip 'sandwich'

Then, as if the above wasn't enough I ordered chinese and got through:

• 1 green onion cake
• 1 cup of steamed white rice
• 1/2 of an order of ginger beef
• 4 pork dumplings
• a small bottle of coke zero

It was a regular pig fest at my house yesterday. Through the whole thing I didn't feel right, nor did anything but the bouillabaisse taste right. I was still constipated and so full I felt like vomiting. I will never do it again, I still have a food hangover, I feel like shit. At least I finally was able to go to the bathroom.

Still Here

I'm still here, still loosing, just haven't had time to post.

Friday's weigh in was great - down 3.6lbs. I missed the meeting, but was there in time to collect my 5lb star. While there I bought a digital scale and wow, I am totally in love with this thing. It takes all the guess work out of calculating points and comes pre programmed with hundreds of foods. I find that something I would have calculated at 2 or 3 points is actually 4 or 5, so it helps keep me OP.

I snuck a peek at the scale this morning 257.8, of course it is first thing after I wake up and pee. No pesky clothes to add weight, plus I tend to weigh heavier as the day goes on.

Still haven't taken starting photos, must do that soon.

Hopefully I'll have time for a longer post tomorrow.

262

Saw 262lbs on the scale this morning. Update and photos tonight.

266.2

Not as much as I had hoped for, but probably just what I earned. Lost 2.8lbs this week, yay me. I did not stick to plan 100%, I had a binge on Wednesday so I'll take the loss and be grateful for it.

I'll update with starting pictures this weekend.

Dinner With The In Laws

We went to husband's parents for dinner tonight. My MIL is an awesome lady, I've often told my husband that I wish I could've been his sister just so that I would have had the great childhood he did.

As wonderful as my MIL is, she is not that great of a cook (I'm a horrible food snob). Thankfully we got there early, so under the pretense of 'helping out' I ended up making most of the dinner. One thing I didn't make were the carrots - she puts this horrible orange ginger glaze on them, my hubby thought I had done them and spooned some extra glaze over his, he had a hard time gagging them down. It was a very enjoyable evening, I managed to say no to dessert and stay totally OP with a few left over for a snack.

What I Ate:

• 1 whole wheat english muffin (3)
• 1 large egg poached (2)
• 1 cup fruit salad (1)
• 2 cups coffee with light cream (2)

• 1.5 cups tomato bisque (3)

• 60z lean steak (10)
• 3/4 cup mashed potato (3)
• 1 cup green salad with homemade mustard dressing (1)

• 1 pc chocolate (2)
• 1 cup coffee (1)

• 1 whole wheat pita (1)
• salsa
• 1 cup cauliflower (0)
  

Total Points Used: 29

Day One

Good day today, stayed OP and had no hunger or cravings. I made sure to stock the pantry and fridge with good options. I made homemade salsa, roasted tomato bisque, grilled a ton of chicken breast, cut up all my veggies, made a spectacular fruit salad (orange segments, kiwi, cherries, grapes, blackberries and strawberries in fresh lime), made veg soup, baked off some pita chips to go with the salsa, and boiled a few eggs. There is no excuse for eating crap this week.

Today I Ate:

• 1 whole wheat english muffin (3)
• 1 cup fruit salad (1)
• 2 tbsp peanut butter (4)
  
• 2 cups coffee with light cream (4)

• 1.5 cups tomato bisque (3)
• 1/2 pita sand with bbq chicken breast, mushrooms and onions (5)
• 1 cup cucumber

• 5 oz chicken thigh in mushroom sage sauce (6)
• 1 portion homemade polenta (3)
• 1 cup green salad with spray dressing (1)

• 1 whole wheat pita (1)
• salsa (0)
  
• 1 cup low fat milk (2)

total points used: 33


Very low key VDAY, hubby spent entire night on computer while I was busy in the kitchen.

Friday Weigh In

Went to my first Weight Watchers meeting today, and to ensure that I continue with the plan I purchased 8 weeks of weigh ins.

Stepped up to the scale and I've officially gained back the few pounds I lost trying to go it on my own with Atkins. Yes I am back at 269 and not feeling fine about it. I don't know yet what my official weight goal is, I'm going to have to think about this, I've always been overweight, I don't know what a normal number will be for me. So, I'm starting with mini goals, I'm an impatient person who gives up because dropping 100+ lbs seems so fucking far away.

The meeting was fine, just as I remembered them, lots of clapping and discussion. The leader was a tad flaky, but she was a sub, the regular one is said to be alot of fun. Normally what kills WW for me are the meetings, I've always viewed them as a bunch of women sitting around trying to come up with low point cheats, how much chemical shit they can cram into a single point. This time I will attend each meeting with an open mind, and take from it what is good and right for me.

With a 32 point daily allowance, I should be fine.

Fresh Start

The Atkins plan, I discovered, is so not the plan for me. In the past couple of months I've started Atkins no less than 3 times. Everything goes well for about a week, I keep completely on plan then BAM I start binging. I end up eating things I normally wouldn't when not dieting -ie: white bread, cereal, crackers and any type of sugar I can get my chubby little hands on. This totally negates any loss I might have had.

So after much contemplation and reading of other blogs I'm joining Weight Watchers tomorrow. This won't be the first time, but hopefully the last.

262.8

Can't believe this - I'm down 7lbs in 5days

Start 269.8 lbs

I'm taking the plunge and going to try this whole blogging thing. I don't know if anyone out there will ever read this, but I hope that writing down my abusive past, mediocre present, and hopefully healthier and happier future I can finally exercise some of the demons that have followed me from childhood.

I will emerge from this journey thinner in body, and larger in life.